he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
