I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
