I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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