He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You are a genius and a whore.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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