Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
