my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
