Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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