hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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