my vag is so smooth its legendary
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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