Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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