the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
