I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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