Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
