I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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