he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
