ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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