Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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