we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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