No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
