you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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