what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
