So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
