Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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