we have pet lesbian snakes
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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