as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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