im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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