I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize