Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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