grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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