You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Bring me that man meat
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
