Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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