Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
