I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
