I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
