i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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