Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
