I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
