It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
