He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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