I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
