There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
