How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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