Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
