Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
