you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
