She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
