I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
