My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
