my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
