My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
