I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
