He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize