Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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