that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
pray to the hookup gods
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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