i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
