This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
