i will never coherently bang her
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
