Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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